cynicism

 

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“It’s easier to be cynical…”  It’s easy to shut yourself off and pretend that you are “dead on the inside.” It’s easier to shut off the anxiety and discomfort that comes with dealing with emotions. Easier than dealing with hurt, anger, betrayal. It’s easier to close yourself off… to give up on a happier tomorrow before dawn even breaks. It takes courage to try again. To take another chance even though you’ve been hurt before. It’s almost paralyzing to open yourself up again to someone new. Someone, who, with time has the power to crush you anew and maybe even on a deeper level. Someone who enters and brings you such joy and happiness, you think it surreal. Someone that finds that nook, back in the corner of your little corazón and starts to settle in, starts to grow. Your paranoia takes a hold and you naturally distrust that something or someone could be good to you. Because in the back of your mind, you are bracing yourself for another heart break.

You got your playlist with all you favorite bandas ready {“poor ti, deje de hacerle gestos al tequila, me ice un experto en la bebida”}, your Chavela cued up {“y aunque te amo con locura, ya no vuelvas”}, your Juan Gabriel playlist on deck {“yo te di, mi cariño, resultaste traicioner@”} … you brace yourself for the inevitable.

But, … you think on it… and you realize that your fear is crippling you, holding you hostage. And you have to decide whether your life will be based off your fears and doubts or if you will embrace new joys and take the days as they come.

After all, it’s easy to be cynical…

But your life has never been easy.

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